










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
314 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 580 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 107 | 18% |
| Smokes | 125 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 231 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 117 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $240,735 of utility $223 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BMW 535D | 37% | 35 |
| #2 | ☆DONTPEEK☆ ヤルピ | 36% | 25 |
| #3 | ☆ サイコマサ | 35% | 40 |
| #4 | koirienkouluttaja (xantarespeek) | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BMW 535D | 37% | 35 |
| #2 | ☆DONTPEEK☆ ヤルピ | 36% | 25 |
| #3 | ☆ サイコマサ | 35% | 40 |
| #4 | koirienkouluttaja (xantarespeek) | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆ サイコマサ | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | koirienkouluttaja (xantarespeek) | 2 | 0.0192 |
| #3 | BMW 535D | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | ☆DONTPEEK☆ ヤルピ | 1 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BMW 535D | 72 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #2 | ☆ サイコマサ | 59 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | ☆DONTPEEK☆ ヤルピ | 41 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | koirienkouluttaja (xantarespeek) | 11 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆ サイコマサ | +3.51 | 45 | 50 |
| #2 | ☆DONTPEEK☆ ヤルピ | +0.61 | 50 | 48 |
| #3 | BMW 535D | -2.33 | 54 | 49 |
| #4 | Johansson | -3.30 | 29 | 32 |
| #5 | koirienkouluttaja (xantarespeek) | -3.60 | 47 | 55 |





