








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 149 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
466 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,003 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 514 | 51% |
| Smokes | 163 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 64 | 6% |
| Molotovs | 262 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $181,339 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 54 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | DILDO SWAGGINS | 48% | 21 |
| #8 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | 41% | 22 |
| #9 | packie | 40% | 5 |
| #10 | Degenerate | 31% | 16 |
| #11 | XIVoltage | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [TBM] Wizard Remi | 7 | 0.0737 |
| #2 | cat in a box | 5 | 0.0119 |
| #3 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | 2 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Sam Handwich | 2 | 0.0090 |
| #5 | Carnage | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | 102 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #2 | DILDO SWAGGINS | 74 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #3 | cat in a box | 57 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Sam Handwich | 52 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | XIVoltage | 38 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sam Handwich | +5.13 | 80 | 66 |
| #2 | Carnage | +3.96 | 85 | 42 |
| #3 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | +3.14 | 72 | 65 |
| #4 | cat in a box | +2.21 | 64 | 52 |
| #5 | DILDO SWAGGINS | +0.32 | 62 | 52 |





