








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 202 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
999 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,344 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 365 | 11% |
| Smokes | 748 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1209 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1022 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $507,746 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 500 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ImmaPopUrMelon | 40% | 10 |
| #2 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | 37% | 84 |
| #3 | DILDO SWAGGINS | 36% | 76 |
| #4 | Stu | 31% | 16 |
| #5 | XIVoltage | 21% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DILDO SWAGGINS | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Stu | 4 | 0.0125 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | 335 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #2 | DILDO SWAGGINS | 253 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #3 | XIVoltage | 103 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | Stu | 54 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | ImmaPopUrMelon | 22 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ImmaPopUrMelon | +3.89 | 70 | 58 |
| #2 | 2016 SCAG TURF TIGER II | +2.04 | 74 | 57 |
| #3 | DILDO SWAGGINS | -0.59 | 60 | 51 |
| #4 | Stu | -1.21 | 84 | 31 |
| #5 | Degenerate | -1.23 | 59 | 49 |





