








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1221 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,500 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1235 | 35% |
| Smokes | 882 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 724 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 659 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $224,146 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 16 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rmn5 | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | Gayus Marius | 60% | 25 |
| #3 | SEXY big Momy | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | c0ne | 50% | 24 |
| #5 | dead inside2009 | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | SEXY big Momy | 56% | 16 |
| #4 | c0ne | 50% | 24 |
| #5 | dead inside2009 | 45% | 11 |
| #6 | Vengeance | 44% | 9 |
| #7 | easymoney | 33% | 15 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SEXY big Momy | 9 | 0.0317 |
| #2 | Gayus Marius | 7 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Vengeance | 4 | 0.0357 |
| #4 | c0ne | 2 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | easymoney | 1 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gayus Marius | 114 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #2 | dead inside2009 | 39 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | SEXY big Momy | 33 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | rmn5 | 17 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| #5 | Vengeance | 12 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bench press enjoyer | +3.64 | 76 | 62 |
| #2 | Vengeance | -0.74 | 73 | 59 |
| #3 | SEXY big Momy | -1.42 | 41 | 41 |
| #4 | Gayus Marius | -1.50 | 65 | 67 |
| #5 | c0ne | -1.86 | 52 | 24 |





