








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 628 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2156 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,944 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1621 | 33% |
| Smokes | 792 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 1498 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1033 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $873,742 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 305 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yumi | 63% | 127 |
| #2 | TheFunkyMonkey | 61% | 23 |
| #3 | Cheatin ツ | 59% | 188 |
| #4 | The Human Spider | 55% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yumi | 63% | 127 |
| #2 | TheFunkyMonkey | 61% | 23 |
| #3 | Cheatin ツ | 59% | 188 |
| #4 | The Human Spider | 55% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheatin ツ | 26 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Yumi | 13 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | The Human Spider | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | TheFunkyMonkey | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheatin ツ | 817 | 0.22 | 20 min |
| #2 | Yumi | 372 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | The Human Spider | 164 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #4 | TheFunkyMonkey | 60 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheatin ツ | +4.94 | 68 | 75 |
| #2 | KDM | +1.52 | 63 | 48 |
| #3 | TheFunkyMonkey | +1.06 | 44 | 53 |
| #4 | Yumi | -0.42 | 56 | 41 |
| #5 | The Human Spider | -3.64 | 43 | 35 |





