








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1974 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 112 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




79 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7820 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,626 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9962 | 35% |
| Smokes | 7857 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 4791 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 6016 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $827,694 of utility $61 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 314 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yumi | 29 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | TheFunkyMonkey | 13 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | KDM | 12 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | The Human Spider | 11 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Gorlock | 8 | 0.0092 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yumi | 1073 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #2 | TheFunkyMonkey | 449 | 0.15 | 10 min |
| #3 | The Human Spider | 426 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #4 | KDM | 392 | 0.11 | 7 min |
| #5 | MrMirCool ツ | 279 | 0.22 | 8 min |





