








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 885 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 253 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 15 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3404 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,044 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2980 | 49% |
| Smokes | 613 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 1322 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1129 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,044,942 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1162 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Zynny | 42% | 69 |
| #7 | Cudi | 42% | 24 |
| #8 | ILOVEMINERS_(Clash Royale) | 32% | 31 |
| #9 | Bidenator | 31% | 35 |
| #10 | RED TRUST FACTOR | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Toyota Corolla | 33 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | 𝔏𝔢𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔲𝔰 | 5 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | ILOVEMINERS_(Clash Royale) | 4 | 0.0059 |
| #4 | Cudi | 4 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Bidenator | 3 | 0.0038 |





