








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
571 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 940 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 227 | 24% |
| Smokes | 19 | 2% |
| HE Grenades | 410 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 284 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $175,018 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ixetray | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Mullet Enjoyer | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | SexTutorial | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | Shnail | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ixetray | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | Mullet Enjoyer | 52% | 29 |
| #3 | SexTutorial | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | Shnail | 48% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mullet Enjoyer | 14 | 0.0250 |
| #2 | Shnail | 5 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | ixetray | 1 | 0.0097 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mullet Enjoyer | 77 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #2 | Shnail | 59 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | ixetray | 2 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | SexTutorial | 1 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mullet Enjoyer | +7.81 | 97 | 64 |
| #2 | Smurfez | -0.15 | 80 | 34 |
| #3 | Shnail | -1.06 | 68 | 37 |
| #4 | ixetray | -2.94 | 34 | 25 |
| #5 | SexTutorial | -3.40 | 38 | 15 |





