








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 887 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 146 matches | ||
| Premier | 110 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




233 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8297 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,800 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6291 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5410 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4486 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 5613 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $898,782 of utility $78 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1002 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Phoenix | 81% | 37 |
| #2 | Bruce | 75% | 53 |
| #3 | Shnail | 62% | 538 |
| #4 | ixetray | 57% | 211 |
| #5 | SexTutorial | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Phoenix | 81% | 37 |
| #2 | Bruce | 75% | 53 |
| #3 | Shnail | 62% | 538 |
| #4 | ixetray | 57% | 211 |
| #5 | SexTutorial | 33% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shnail | 113 | 0.0118 |
| #2 | ixetray | 19 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | The Phoenix | 7 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | Bruce | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | SexTutorial | 5 | 0.0106 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shnail | 850 | 0.09 | 15 min |
| #2 | ixetray | 240 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Bruce | 141 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | The Phoenix | 127 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #5 | SexTutorial | 2 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mullet Enjoyer | +8.28 | 94 | 64 |
| #2 | Bruce | +5.38 | 98 | 58 |
| #3 | Shnail | +0.70 | 76 | 43 |
| #4 | The Phoenix | -1.10 | 6 | 79 |
| #5 | SexTutorial | -4.22 | 47 | 17 |





