








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
274 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 518 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 124 | 24% |
| Smokes | 116 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 136 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 142 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $58,298 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | juicy. | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | AtomicPenguin | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | cnmns | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | TheWeekday | 50% | 8 |
| #5 | Bell | 50% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arch3r | 2 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | hoison | 2 | 0.0094 |
| #3 | llllex123 | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #4 | TheWeekday | 2 | 0.0123 |
| #5 | juicy. | 1 | 0.0154 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hoison | 22 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | llllex123 | 20 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| #3 | Arch3r | 19 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | catie | 18 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | TheWeekday | 15 | 0.09 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hoison | +3.36 | 92 | 69 |
| #2 | llllex123 | +3.10 | 54 | 66 |
| #3 | TheWeekday | +1.47 | 66 | 59 |
| #4 | davis | +1.45 | 82 | 42 |
| #5 | cnmns | +0.44 | 87 | 52 |





