








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 169 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1524 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,107 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1012 | 12% |
| Smokes | 2693 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2946 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 1456 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $876,697 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jaydubz | 56% | 34 |
| #2 | dawson | 55% | 71 |
| #3 | Telikk | 49% | 61 |
| #4 | Cheesers | 49% | 45 |
| #5 | Dect | 44% | 139 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QueenJellyBean | 9 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Telikk | 6 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | BOOMAN⛟ | 6 | 0.0110 |
| #4 | Ryuu | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | dawson | 5 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | QueenJellyBean | 394 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #2 | Ryuu | 277 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | ark | 112 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | dawson | 111 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Wilma Fingerdoo | 94 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ark | +7.54 | 80 | 75 |
| #2 | Magikarp | +5.36 | 89 | 44 |
| #3 | dawson | +5.33 | 87 | 52 |
| #4 | BOOMAN⛟ | +4.24 | 73 | 49 |
| #5 | Jaydubz | +3.76 | 62 | 49 |





