










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 548 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 24% |
| Smokes | 86 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 96 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 235 | 43% |
Our logs show you have wasted $453,117 of utility $239 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 95 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vnc | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | KillstealNL | 31% | 13 |
| #3 | lostfart | 26% | 39 |
| #4 | The Dicktator | 20% | 10 |
| #5 | MrMetacom | 19% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrMetacom | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | The Dicktator | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | vnc | 2 | 0.0122 |
| #4 | lostfart | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MrMetacom | 106 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #2 | vnc | 42 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #3 | lostfart | 35 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | KillstealNL | 21 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | The Dicktator | 9 | 0.05 | 0 min |





