








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 381 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 155 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1702 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,532 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1433 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1590 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2034 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 1475 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $859,899 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 907 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aboff | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | Ramen♥ | 51% | 43 |
| #3 | Blacka | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | ✪ Deathwish | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | MrMetacom | 19% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Aboff | 56% | 16 |
| #2 | Ramen♥ | 51% | 43 |
| #3 | Blacka | 50% | 20 |
| #4 | ✪ Deathwish | 50% | 38 |
| #5 | MrMetacom | 19% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blacka | 7 | 0.0148 |
| #2 | Ramen♥ | 6 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | ✪ Deathwish | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | MrMetacom | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ramen♥ | 157 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #2 | ✪ Deathwish | 128 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #3 | MrMetacom | 85 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Blacka | 76 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | Aboff | 19 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Deathwish | +4.65 | 80 | 64 |
| #2 | Ramen♥ | +3.90 | 68 | 51 |
| #3 | Blacka | +0.42 | 45 | 51 |
| #4 | Aboff | -0.26 | 38 | 50 |
| #5 | The Dicktator | -2.18 | 54 | 44 |





