








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
236 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 429 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 97 | 23% |
| Smokes | 131 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 142 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 59 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $59,214 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <NASAPLAKKIES> Jokes | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | Toxic Monkey | 100% | 2 |
| #3 | GlitchTitan | 100% | 2 |
| #4 | Skeletron331 [Valorant is GAY] | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | PompMonster | 45% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PompMonster | 3 | 0.0135 |
| #2 | <NASAPLAKKIES> Jokes | 1 | 0.0303 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PompMonster | 34 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | LOLWUT | 9 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| #3 | <NASAPLAKKIES> Jokes | 7 | 0.21 | 0 min |
| #4 | Skeletron331 [Valorant is GAY] | 4 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | Toxic Monkey | 4 | 0.12 | 0 min |





