








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1362 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 807 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




348 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12496 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,564 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5677 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5655 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 4096 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4136 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,589,251 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1698 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | <NASAPLAKKIES> Jokes | 52% | 294 |
| #4 | 《Valleritt》™ | 51% | 69 |
| #5 | SNAF-U>> | 51% | 140 |
| #6 | AspecTK | 46% | 228 |
| #7 | Sandy | 41% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <NASAPLAKKIES> Jokes | 98 | 0.0164 |
| #2 | SNAF-U>> | 59 | 0.0208 |
| #3 | AspecTK | 57 | 0.0118 |
| #4 | 《Valleritt》™ | 31 | 0.0216 |
| #5 | SIRAKU | 24 | 0.0072 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | <NASAPLAKKIES> Jokes | 943 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #2 | SNAF-U>> | 523 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | AspecTK | 413 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #4 | SIRAKU | 317 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | 《Valleritt》™ | 129 | 0.09 | 3 min |





