








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 2 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
65 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 313 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 37 | 12% |
| Smokes | 76 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 111 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 89 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $35,000 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schurknix | 60% | 5 |
| #2 | MikeBoom | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | shrimpySツ | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | IronTony | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | _lps | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Piscator | 0% | 2 |
| #10 | HOSSA | 0% | 3 |
| #11 | Melone | 0% | 3 |
| #12 | Noxxi | 0% | 4 |
| #13 | MC Betriebsrat | 0% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Melone | 15 | 0.24 | 0 min |
| #2 | MC Betriebsrat | 12 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #3 | Noxxi | 12 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| #4 | shrimpySツ | 12 | 0.28 | 0 min |
| #5 | _lps | 11 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MC Betriebsrat | +10.28 | 94 | 45 |
| #2 | _lps | +4.28 | 60 | 53 |
| #3 | MikeBoom | +4.06 | 89 | 64 |
| #4 | IronTony | +2.15 | 56 | 41 |
| #5 | shrimpySツ | +0.58 | 44 | 81 |





