








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 687 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 363 matches | ||
| Wingman | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 115 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3761 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,601 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2798 | 16% |
| Smokes | 6910 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 3375 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4518 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,816,194 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 773 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Ayran Man | 48% | 212 |
| #10 | Bernd Knauer | 48% | 105 |
| #11 | GERMANOPHOB | 45% | 208 |
| #12 | qu1nexx | 43% | 37 |
| #13 | sure | 43% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GERMANOPHOB | 42 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | Kintaro Oe | 30 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | Ayran Man | 16 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Meister-ShiFu | 13 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | Bernd Knauer | 11 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ayran Man | 369 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #2 | GERMANOPHOB | 291 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | Kintaro Oe | 216 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | Meister-ShiFu | 204 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #5 | Bernd Knauer | 194 | 0.09 | 5 min |





