








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 807 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 417 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 55 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5572 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,310 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3951 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3344 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3141 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1874 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,206,145 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 580 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ayran Man | 53% | 189 |
| #2 | sure | 52% | 67 |
| #3 | GERMANOPHOB | 52% | 106 |
| #4 | Kintaro Oe | 51% | 174 |
| #5 | David Maoie | 51% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ayran Man | 264 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | Danger Noodle | 206 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kintaro Oe | 178 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | GERMANOPHOB | 168 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | David Maoie | 126 | 0.07 | 2 min |





