








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 271 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2429 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,345 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1811 | 29% |
| Smokes | 2098 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1079 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 1357 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $509,404 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 28 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | alannn | 57% | 69 |
| #2 | The Snizzler | 52% | 84 |
| #3 | rTx | 49% | 59 |
| #4 | GOD | 48% | 87 |
| #5 | evman | 47% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Snizzler | 6 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | GOD | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Burns | 5 | 0.0106 |
| #4 | alannn | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | evman | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GOD | 430 | 0.24 | 12 min |
| #2 | The Snizzler | 201 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | evman | 168 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | rTx | 114 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | alannn | 111 | 0.08 | 3 min |





