








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 997 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 634 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6796 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 29,751 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9076 | 31% |
| Smokes | 7336 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5430 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 7909 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,027,940 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 490 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Wilson | 53% | 87 |
| #12 | MaDt0m | 53% | 57 |
| #13 | Patty | 50% | 151 |
| #14 | Rain Man | 49% | 107 |
| #15 | horizon | 47% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MR MELON | 21 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Rain Man | 5 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | horizon | 5 | 0.0043 |
| #4 | SK3L3T4L | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | Shindeiru デッド | 3 | 0.0011 |





