








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 299 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 385 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 65 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




94 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5016 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,795 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2087 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2272 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 3216 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2220 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,441,922 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 907 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zeb. | 55% | 106 |
| #2 | Ultralight Beam | 54% | 117 |
| #3 | jofo | 53% | 563 |
| #4 | Captain Morgan | 43% | 113 |
| #5 | Im/Autistic | 40% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Ultralight Beam | 54% | 117 |
| #3 | jofo | 53% | 563 |
| #4 | Captain Morgan | 43% | 113 |
| #5 | Im/Autistic | 40% | 63 |
| #6 | Christian | 36% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jofo | 118 | 0.0103 |
| #2 | Ultralight Beam | 25 | 0.0106 |
| #3 | Captain Morgan | 12 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | zeb. | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | Christian | 8 | 0.0086 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jofo | 1680 | 0.15 | 41 min |
| #2 | zeb. | 485 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #3 | Ultralight Beam | 215 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Im/Autistic | 195 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #5 | Captain Morgan | 185 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jofo | +2.74 | 77 | 58 |
| #2 | Ultralight Beam | +1.44 | 86 | 50 |
| #3 | zeb. | -0.42 | 70 | 58 |
| #4 | pee pee poo poo | -0.80 | 62 | 48 |
| #5 | Captain Morgan | -3.73 | 49 | 41 |





