








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 225 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 51 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,075 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 449 | 22% |
| Smokes | 751 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 379 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 496 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $377,865 of utility $217 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CumulusDiet | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | aliasonline | 48% | 66 |
| #3 | grunk$ta | 45% | 62 |
| #4 | Dr. Pumpernickel Bumblethump | 42% | 33 |
| #5 | Gynosaur | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CumulusDiet | 83% | 6 |
| #2 | aliasonline | 48% | 66 |
| #3 | grunk$ta | 45% | 62 |
| #4 | Dr. Pumpernickel Bumblethump | 42% | 33 |
| #5 | Gynosaur | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dr. Pumpernickel Bumblethump | 7 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | grunk$ta | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | aliasonline | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Gynosaur | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | grunk$ta | 110 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #2 | aliasonline | 96 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Dr. Pumpernickel Bumblethump | 49 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Gynosaur | 35 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | CumulusDiet | 10 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | aliasonline | +1.14 | 26 | 64 |
| #2 | grunk$ta | +1.00 | 37 | 71 |
| #3 | CumulusDiet | -0.06 | 59 | 53 |
| #4 | Johnathan Stroker | -1.86 | 29 | 50 |
| #5 | Dr. Pumpernickel Bumblethump | -1.92 | 27 | 46 |





