








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 782 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 634 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




44 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7130 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,863 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5110 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5601 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 6100 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 4052 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,895,869 of utility $190 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 499 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Elmo | 52% | 417 |
| #3 | eellie01 | 49% | 112 |
| #4 | Hector salmonella | 47% | 293 |
| #5 | mental retardation | 47% | 131 |
| #6 | El.Picklerno | 41% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector salmonella | 35 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Elmo | 32 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | mental retardation | 17 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | eellie01 | 12 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | El.Picklerno | 12 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector salmonella | 1301 | 0.22 | 24 min |
| #2 | Elmo | 1006 | 0.11 | 25 min |
| #3 | eellie01 | 445 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #4 | mental retardation | 122 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | El.Picklerno | 67 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mental retardation | +1.60 | 63 | 41 |
| #2 | Elmo | +1.54 | 68 | 60 |
| #3 | eellie01 | +0.31 | 40 | 48 |
| #4 | Hector salmonella | +0.12 | 51 | 58 |
| #5 | Shaggy | -0.82 | 52 | 52 |





