








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 351 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 199 matches | ||
| Wingman | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




41 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3234 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,511 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1460 | 19% |
| Smokes | 198 | 3% |
| HE Grenades | 4193 | 56% |
| Molotovs | 1660 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $992,948 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elmo | 48% | 114 |
| #2 | Shaggy | 47% | 131 |
| #3 | Hector salmonella | 46% | 59 |
| #4 | eellie01 | 41% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elmo | 48% | 114 |
| #2 | Shaggy | 47% | 131 |
| #3 | Hector salmonella | 46% | 59 |
| #4 | eellie01 | 41% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shaggy | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | Elmo | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Hector salmonella | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | eellie01 | 3 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hector salmonella | 249 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #2 | Shaggy | 237 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Elmo | 234 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | eellie01 | 139 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Elmo | +0.80 | 68 | 60 |
| #2 | mental retardation | +0.40 | 66 | 44 |
| #3 | Hector salmonella | -0.40 | 41 | 65 |
| #4 | Shaggy | -1.26 | 49 | 49 |
| #5 | eellie01 | -1.65 | 42 | 44 |





