










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 57 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 215 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




67 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4328 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,121 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1586 | 26% |
| Smokes | 811 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 2056 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1668 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,085,536 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 292 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pussy Slap? | 84 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | MILF_CHAD | 78 | 0.0193 |
| #3 | girthquake | 60 | 0.0093 |
| #4 | Sin | 16 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | yardhittin | 13 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pussy Slap? | 719 | 0.06 | 18 min |
| #2 | yardhittin | 232 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | MILF_CHAD | 197 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #4 | girthquake | 167 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| #5 | Sin | 97 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BingleDorfe | +6.26 | 69 | 44 |
| #2 | MILF_CHAD | +3.77 | 77 | 37 |
| #3 | Pussy Slap? | +3.08 | 58 | 42 |
| #4 | yardhittin | +2.14 | 73 | 55 |
| #5 | girthquake | -0.55 | 35 | 27 |





