








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 76 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 456 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 126 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




134 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7650 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,979 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3301 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2185 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 5118 | 39% |
| Molotovs | 2375 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,686,629 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 615 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MILF_CHAD | 106 | 0.0152 |
| #2 | girthquake | 50 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | MASTER CHAD | 49 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Sin | 29 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | yardhittin | 14 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MASTER CHAD | 473 | 0.04 | 11 min |
| #2 | MILF_CHAD | 388 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #3 | yardhittin | 347 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #4 | girthquake | 148 | 0.02 | 3 min |
| #5 | Sin | 137 | 0.03 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MILF_CHAD | +3.15 | 75 | 39 |
| #2 | Pussy Slap? | +2.14 | 57 | 41 |
| #3 | yardhittin | +0.92 | 71 | 55 |
| #4 | girthquake | -0.99 | 34 | 26 |
| #5 | MASTER CHAD | -1.17 | 34 | 27 |





