








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 482 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 29 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2188 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,778 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1386 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1619 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1330 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 443 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $971,115 of utility $157 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1225 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The 5th Tiger Crunch | 46% | 135 |
| #2 | MosMald | 41% | 17 |
| #3 | DumpDaddy | 38% | 26 |
| #4 | butter dog | 26% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The 5th Tiger Crunch | 46% | 135 |
| #2 | MosMald | 41% | 17 |
| #3 | DumpDaddy | 38% | 26 |
| #4 | butter dog | 26% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The 5th Tiger Crunch | 28 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | butter dog | 7 | 0.0155 |
| #3 | DumpDaddy | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The 5th Tiger Crunch | 211 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | butter dog | 53 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | MosMald | 50 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | DumpDaddy | 42 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The 5th Tiger Crunch | +2.49 | 44 | 47 |
| #2 | MosMald | +0.01 | 38 | 61 |
| #3 | Tony Farquaad | -1.87 | 47 | 39 |
| #4 | butter dog | -2.71 | 33 | 59 |
| #5 | DumpDaddy | -2.88 | 24 | 42 |





