








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 263 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 344 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1368 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,781 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2881 | 50% |
| Smokes | 1137 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1003 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 760 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,010,990 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 42 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vredina | 58% | 45 |
| #2 | White cran Bleach | 49% | 192 |
| #3 | Mr. Clean | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Gaddafimaxxer | 45% | 33 |
| #5 | SingedNutHairs | 43% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vredina | 58% | 45 |
| #2 | White cran Bleach | 49% | 192 |
| #3 | Mr. Clean | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Gaddafimaxxer | 45% | 33 |
| #5 | SingedNutHairs | 43% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | White cran Bleach | 17 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Gaddafimaxxer | 3 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Vredina | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | SingedNutHairs | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | White cran Bleach | 385 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #2 | Gaddafimaxxer | 122 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | Vredina | 98 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | SingedNutHairs | 78 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mr. Clean | 44 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | White cran Bleach | +5.82 | 89 | 57 |
| #2 | Gaddafimaxxer | +2.38 | 43 | 43 |
| #3 | Mr. Clean | +2.35 | 34 | 54 |
| #4 | SingedNutHairs | +0.61 | 56 | 66 |
| #5 | Vredina | -2.07 | 44 | 50 |





