








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 122 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2528 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,399 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1188 | 27% |
| Smokes | 936 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1374 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 901 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,592,163 of utility $174 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 232 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NotAsimp | 10 | 0.0085 |
| #2 | ShakeSEE | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | HEAVY | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | GlizzyDan | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Rocky | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShakeSEE | 350 | 0.08 | 6 min |
| #2 | HEAVY | 168 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | NotAsimp | 147 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | noitaiva | 136 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | dyler tavis | 87 | 0.16 | 2 min |





