








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 259 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 383 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3596 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,910 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1642 | 8% |
| Smokes | 11022 | 55% |
| HE Grenades | 2635 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 4611 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,665,180 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1818 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | noitaiva | 52% | 121 |
| #2 | zoby | 48% | 79 |
| #3 | GlizzyDan | 45% | 56 |
| #4 | NotAsimp | 44% | 97 |
| #5 | ShakeSEE | 44% | 363 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShakeSEE | 15 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | NotAsimp | 15 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | noitaiva | 6 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | GlizzyDan | 4 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | zoby | 3 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShakeSEE | 566 | 0.08 | 11 min |
| #2 | NotAsimp | 208 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | noitaiva | 177 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | GlizzyDan | 80 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | HEAVY | 69 | 0.07 | 2 min |





