








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 284 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 457 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3735 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,533 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1593 | 15% |
| Smokes | 3462 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3070 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2408 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,002,794 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 554 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joocy's Passionate Lover | 55% | 147 |
| #2 | CARLOS THE MEXICAN | 48% | 128 |
| #3 | † Flux | 44% | 41 |
| #4 | Kitten | 43% | 129 |
| #5 | Burnt Bread | 40% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | CARLOS THE MEXICAN | 48% | 128 |
| #3 | † Flux | 44% | 41 |
| #4 | Kitten | 43% | 129 |
| #5 | Burnt Bread | 40% | 62 |
| #6 | Joocy | 38% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joocy's Passionate Lover | 23 | 0.0075 |
| #2 | Kitten | 17 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | CARLOS THE MEXICAN | 6 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | Burnt Bread | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | † Flux | 5 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joocy's Passionate Lover | 367 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | Kitten | 312 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | Burnt Bread | 156 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | CARLOS THE MEXICAN | 89 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| #5 | Joocy | 89 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kitten | +5.06 | 72 | 51 |
| #2 | Joocy's Passionate Lover | +4.50 | 74 | 48 |
| #3 | CARLOS THE MEXICAN | +1.19 | 76 | 24 |
| #4 | Burnt Bread | +0.74 | 60 | 62 |
| #5 | † Flux | +0.15 | 75 | 23 |





