








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 189 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 95 matches | ||
| Premier | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2103 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,011 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1676 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1578 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1322 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1435 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $280,539 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | L1HA | 42% | 12 |
| #9 | Pulu | 41% | 46 |
| #10 | Kaapo | 40% | 10 |
| #11 | Rane | 40% | 43 |
| #12 | McLippa | 20% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖒 ツ | 4 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Exec Secret.Black | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Pulu | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | Taisto | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖒 ツ | 234 | 0.25 | 5 min |
| #2 | Pulu | 170 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | Rane | 130 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #4 | Exec Secret.Black | 107 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #5 | herzi | 95 | 0.12 | 3 min |





