










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 192 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 302 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3605 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,711 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3448 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5110 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 1406 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 2747 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,389,108 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 22 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | NoKizzy365 | 49% | 108 |
| #4 | Russell | 48% | 62 |
| #5 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 48% | 111 |
| #6 | Business Dog | 45% | 56 |
| #7 | JT3 | 44% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NoKizzy365 | 14 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 13 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | zF | 8 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Business Dog | 7 | 0.0058 |
| #5 | Russell | 4 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 572 | 0.24 | 13 min |
| #2 | NoKizzy365 | 503 | 0.21 | 13 min |
| #3 | JT3 | 145 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | zF | 125 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Business Dog | 124 | 0.10 | 2 min |





