








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 726 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 296 matches | ||
| Faceit | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3456 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,383 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1347 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1599 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1847 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1590 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,336,497 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 51% | 120 |
| #10 | xy | 48% | 62 |
| #11 | Business Dog | 47% | 53 |
| #12 | zF | 47% | 53 |
| #13 | TWJ | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | I cant breathe (because im fat) | 7 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Business Floyd | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Cliven Bundy | 4 | 0.0072 |
| #4 | zF | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Business Dog | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Business Floyd | +3.94 | 84 | 64 |
| #2 | Cliven Bundy | +2.42 | 75 | 62 |
| #3 | EmeraldV | +2.11 | 64 | 54 |
| #4 | zF | +1.63 | 81 | 51 |
| #5 | NoKizzy365 | +1.00 | 59 | 60 |





