








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1251 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 266 matches | ||
| Premier | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 103 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




71 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7829 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,050 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7099 | 35% |
| Smokes | 5404 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3158 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4389 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,793,925 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3238 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Smoke | 55% | 308 |
| #2 | Tim | 53% | 62 |
| #3 | perhaps funky | 53% | 51 |
| #4 | meowmeowmeowmrow | 53% | 104 |
| #5 | Ball Gurgler | 51% | 189 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Ball Gurgler | 51% | 189 |
| #6 | Paul | 50% | 50 |
| #7 | Bill Nye The Vagina Guy | 50% | 182 |
| #8 | Aust | 49% | 43 |
| #9 | LeBoner | 49% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bill Nye The Vagina Guy | 80 | 0.0223 |
| #2 | Mr. Smoke | 35 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | Ball Gurgler | 18 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | LeBoner | 14 | 0.0106 |
| #5 | Tim | 6 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Smoke | 720 | 0.11 | 22 min |
| #2 | Ball Gurgler | 364 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #3 | meowmeowmeowmrow | 343 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Paul | 219 | 0.21 | 6 min |
| #5 | Tim | 190 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Smoke | +3.37 | 87 | 68 |
| #2 | meowmeowmeowmrow | +1.53 | 75 | 52 |
| #3 | perhaps funky | +1.38 | 68 | 65 |
| #4 | Ball Gurgler | +1.34 | 76 | 53 |
| #5 | Paul | +1.11 | 74 | 63 |





