








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 116 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 609 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




49 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4350 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,908 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5441 | 36% |
| Smokes | 3078 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 3333 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 3056 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,464,427 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 855 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falzo | 57% | 46 |
| #2 | ElipticTide | 54% | 37 |
| #3 | Apex Hong | 54% | 95 |
| #4 | Goose | 49% | 215 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Falzo | 57% | 46 |
| #2 | ElipticTide | 54% | 37 |
| #3 | Apex Hong | 54% | 95 |
| #4 | Goose | 49% | 215 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ElipticTide | 11 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Goose | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Apex Hong | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Falzo | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goose | 695 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #2 | Apex Hong | 344 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #3 | ElipticTide | 87 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | Falzo | 64 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goose | +1.40 | 72 | 63 |
| #2 | ElipticTide | +0.24 | 31 | 44 |
| #3 | Falzo | +0.22 | 47 | 51 |
| #4 | Gaymer | -0.44 | 58 | 41 |
| #5 | Apex Hong | -0.87 | 28 | 57 |





