








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 28 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 41 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1718 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,211 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1118 | 21% |
| Smokes | 1465 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1298 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1330 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $717,585 of utility $147 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | aug | 59% | 41 |
| #8 | Tizi | 56% | 36 |
| #9 | Roger Rabbit | 54% | 26 |
| #10 | covee | 54% | 28 |
| #11 | Visions of Chudtopia | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Black Guy | 8 | 0.0081 |
| #2 | Z | 6 | 0.0080 |
| #3 | Tizi | 4 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Roger Rabbit | 3 | 0.0061 |
| #5 | aug | 2 | 0.0025 |





