








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 473 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 298 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 37 matches | ||
| Faceit | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




66 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3690 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,962 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3321 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4577 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2827 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 2237 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,081,583 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 568 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Haizeal | 56% | 32 |
| #2 | StoryWorm | 52% | 48 |
| #3 | CoreDonut | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | ɢʟᴀꜱꜱꜰᴀᴄᴇ | 47% | 30 |
| #5 | 样品 | 45% | 251 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 样品 | 63 | 0.0122 |
| #2 | ♔𝖒𝖔𝖇𝖙𝖖 | 15 | 0.0105 |
| #3 | Beast | 8 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | CoreDonut | 7 | 0.0076 |
| #5 | Haizeal | 7 | 0.0105 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 样品 | 381 | 0.07 | 8 min |
| #2 | Beast | 176 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Haizeal | 125 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | Shadow | 83 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | ♔𝖒𝖔𝖇𝖙𝖖 | 72 | 0.05 | 2 min |





