








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 215 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 55 matches | ||
| Premier | 52 matches | ||
| Wingman | 31 matches | ||
| Renown | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2501 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,937 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1414 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1511 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1387 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1625 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $451,376 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1017 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nm | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | ツ Lunde | 70% | 10 |
| #3 | otte | 65% | 17 |
| #4 | qvx シ | 63% | 59 |
| #5 | Gokk | 59% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | qvx シ | 63% | 59 |
| #5 | Gokk | 59% | 22 |
| #6 | brink :3 | 58% | 31 |
| #7 | Lums ︻デ 一 | 57% | 14 |
| #8 | FlemmingBob45 | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qvx シ | 14 | 0.0136 |
| #2 | FlemmingBob45 | 13 | 0.0310 |
| #3 | brink :3 | 6 | 0.0087 |
| #4 | nm | 4 | 0.0152 |
| #5 | Lums ︻デ 一 | 3 | 0.0124 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | brink :3 | 204 | 0.30 | 6 min |
| #2 | qvx シ | 126 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #3 | Gokk | 72 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | FlemmingBob45 | 56 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | nm | 55 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | qvx シ | +3.67 | 92 | 48 |
| #2 | Socby | +2.25 | 87 | 49 |
| #3 | Gokk | +1.09 | 67 | 53 |
| #4 | nm | +1.06 | 64 | 55 |
| #5 | Lums ︻デ 一 | -0.03 | 78 | 56 |





