








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 528 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 297 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3850 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,142 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2948 | 22% |
| Smokes | 3487 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 3225 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 3482 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,905,357 of utility $207 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 332 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Lecatox | 51% | 142 |
| #4 | asdfsdaf | 48% | 115 |
| #5 | pi | 47% | 103 |
| #6 | no thoughts head empty ;-; | 39% | 175 |
| #7 | YourMom | 39% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | no thoughts head empty ;-; | 18 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | Lecatox | 17 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | Johnson Baby | 16 | 0.0213 |
| #4 | asdfsdaf | 12 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | pi | 9 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lecatox | 856 | 0.29 | 25 min |
| #2 | no thoughts head empty ;-; | 470 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #3 | asdfsdaf | 352 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #4 | pi | 164 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Johnson Baby | 157 | 0.21 | 4 min |





