








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 293 matches | ||
| Faceit | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




78 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5497 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,629 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5123 | 41% |
| Smokes | 3205 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1889 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2412 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,354,043 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3165 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ßonk ❤ | 50% | 50 |
| #3 | ssukram | 49% | 251 |
| #4 | nayohme | 47% | 60 |
| #5 | Scopzy | 40% | 77 |
| #6 | -RyaN- | 35% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ssukram | 47 | 0.0088 |
| #2 | -RyaN- | 19 | 0.0146 |
| #3 | Scopzy | 17 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | nayohme | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | ßonk ❤ | 5 | 0.0046 |





