








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 879 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 325 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 19 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 76 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3645 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,796 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3644 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4408 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 2807 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1937 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $989,311 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 666 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | König يala₫Ғiпgәгs°C# | 45% | 75 |
| #2 | BANANANEX | 44% | 64 |
| #3 | ✂ + Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﮞ = | 41% | 149 |
| #4 | burza | 40% | 85 |
| #5 | .coLL* ™ classic^ | 36% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | BANANANEX | 44% | 64 |
| #3 | ✂ + Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﮞ = | 41% | 149 |
| #4 | burza | 40% | 85 |
| #5 | .coLL* ™ classic^ | 36% | 80 |
| #6 | Mornin_Glori [J]🤍 | 33% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | König يala₫Ғiпgәгs°C# | 7 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | ✂ + Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﮞ = | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | .coLL* ™ classic^ | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | burza | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Mornin_Glori [J]🤍 | 2 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✂ + Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﮞ = | 287 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #2 | König يala₫Ғiпgәгs°C# | 206 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #3 | .coLL* ™ classic^ | 185 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | BANANANEX | 166 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | burza | 68 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | König يala₫Ғiпgәгs°C# | +2.34 | 65 | 84 |
| #2 | BANANANEX | +1.56 | 75 | 80 |
| #3 | ☛Dr. RJ☚ | +0.01 | 60 | 63 |
| #4 | .coLL* ™ classic^ | -0.58 | 41 | 64 |
| #5 | burza | -0.62 | 57 | 63 |





