








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1453 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 421 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9485 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,615 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10396 | 41% |
| Smokes | 6304 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 6874 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2041 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,392,013 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 391 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | huh??? (feet sniffer) | 36 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | bobby mum | 20 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | FurryWalrus | 9 | 0.0029 |





