








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 8 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
188 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 892 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 270 | 30% |
| Smokes | 268 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 173 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 181 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,621 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sol | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | papa big shid | 80% | 10 |
| #3 | Rum Ham Sam | 72% | 18 |
| #4 | ndunnett | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Stinky Rat | 57% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ndunnett | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | Stinky Rat | 57% | 7 |
| #6 | noied | 50% | 2 |
| #7 | Daddick | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | FOB | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stinky Rat | 2 | 0.0157 |
| #2 | Rum Ham Sam | 2 | 0.0159 |
| #3 | Sol | 1 | 1.0000 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stinky Rat | 21 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #2 | papa big shid | 14 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #3 | ndunnett | 5 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #4 | Rum Ham Sam | 4 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mortipai | +4.93 | 84 | 66 |
| #2 | ndunnett | +2.42 | 84 | 51 |
| #3 | Stinky Rat | +0.76 | 66 | 63 |
| #4 | Rum Ham Sam | +0.02 | 80 | 56 |
| #5 | papa big shid | -1.12 | 58 | 53 |





