








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
237 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 963 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 151 | 16% |
| Smokes | 312 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 224 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 276 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $26,243 of utility $119 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sol | 100% | 2 |
| #2 | mortipai | 72% | 18 |
| #3 | Boomer Non Coomer | 56% | 9 |
| #4 | zoomer coomer | 56% | 9 |
| #5 | papa big shid | 54% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | FOB | 50% | 6 |
| #8 | ndunnett | 50% | 16 |
| #9 | Stinky Rat | 50% | 16 |
| #10 | Daddick | 44% | 9 |
| #11 | FOB | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stinky Rat | 2 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | papa big shid | 1 | 0.0132 |
| #3 | Sol | 1 | 1.0000 |
| #4 | Boomer Non Coomer | 1 | 1.0000 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mortipai | 39 | 0.31 | 1 min |
| #2 | Stinky Rat | 32 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | LiLMaN | 17 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #4 | papa big shid | 14 | 0.18 | 0 min |
| #5 | ndunnett | 6 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mortipai | +4.86 | 84 | 66 |
| #2 | LiLMaN | +3.90 | 83 | 75 |
| #3 | zoomer coomer | +1.70 | 91 | 58 |
| #4 | FOB | +1.08 | 68 | 57 |
| #5 | ndunnett | +0.95 | 81 | 46 |





