








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 109 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Wingman | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
836 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,090 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 703 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1157 | 55% |
| HE Grenades | 48 | 2% |
| Molotovs | 182 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $370,912 of utility $79 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOBERpeek peter zwegat | 20 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | kaabii | 16 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Leonardo | 11 | 0.0086 |
| #4 | Rawr~x3*nuzzles*pouncesonyou | 3 | 0.0063 |
| #5 | BamBam | 3 | 0.0101 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOBERpeek peter zwegat | 396 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #2 | Leonardo | 258 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #3 | kaabii | 206 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | Rawr~x3*nuzzles*pouncesonyou | 113 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #5 | BamBam | 61 | 0.21 | 1 min |





