








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 421 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2289 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,485 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2604 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2459 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1584 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1838 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $769,074 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 423 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Zymotic | 53% | 53 |
| #8 | RBL | 48% | 46 |
| #9 | Etherius™ | 44% | 16 |
| #10 | Toebump | 35% | 23 |
| #11 | Big Bungus | 31% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyle | 29 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Aveey | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | impi | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Big Bungus | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #5 | Toebump | 3 | 0.0067 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kyle | 633 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #2 | Aveey | 376 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | impi | 181 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #4 | Zymotic | 175 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | RBL | 122 | 0.12 | 3 min |





