








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 572 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 200 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 17 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2433 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,796 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2209 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1748 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1423 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1416 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $407,908 of utility $73 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 240 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shark | 58% | 43 |
| #2 | Yummmmm | 57% | 28 |
| #3 | cc october | 56% | 196 |
| #4 | Stream "Reignite" by PJX | 55% | 66 |
| #5 | capybara | 54% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cc october | 24 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Nayuta Kani | 8 | 0.0061 |
| #3 | Shark | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Yummmmm | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #5 | capybara | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cc october | 1345 | 0.31 | 34 min |
| #2 | Stream "Reignite" by PJX | 285 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #3 | capybara | 166 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | Autismo | 103 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nayuta Kani | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |





