








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 10 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 13 matches | ||
| Premier | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
620 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,892 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 110 | 6% |
| Smokes | 744 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 671 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 367 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $340,280 of utility $137 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DRYWALL EATER | 61% | 23 |
| #2 | Lucidity | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | Flerovium | 51% | 35 |
| #4 | Amazon Prime | 49% | 41 |
| #5 | flyguy4215 | 46% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Amazon Prime | 12 | 0.0149 |
| #2 | smidgenpidgeon4215 | 9 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | DRYWALL EATER | 9 | 0.0192 |
| #4 | flyguy4215 | 5 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Flerovium | 3 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | smidgenpidgeon4215 | 198 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #2 | Flerovium | 82 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Amazon Prime | 75 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | DRYWALL EATER | 32 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | flyguy4215 | 18 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DRYWALL EATER | +6.60 | 75 | 44 |
| #2 | Lucidity | +3.44 | 79 | 38 |
| #3 | smidgenpidgeon4215 | +2.48 | 59 | 46 |
| #4 | Flerovium | -0.98 | 27 | 49 |
| #5 | Amazon Prime | -1.07 | 34 | 35 |





