








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 418 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 66 matches | ||
| Faceit | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Esplay | 5 matches | 1,688 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2161 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,492 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2101 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1727 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 917 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1747 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $351,130 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 164 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | ErKo | 69% | 16 |
| #3 | Ice Man | 58% | 77 |
| #4 | Enty | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | Doink | 48% | 31 |
| #6 | jnaartt | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ice Man | 11 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | jnaartt | 8 | 0.0248 |
| #3 | Doink | 5 | 0.0079 |
| #4 | Enty | 2 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ice Man | 126 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #2 | Enty | 47 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #3 | Doink | 45 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | ErKo | 25 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | jnaartt | 20 | 0.06 | 0 min |





